SHIVV'S

S H I V V

Shivvani

22 November 1990

Twenty

crazymonkey903@hotmail.com

Date: Friday, February 27, 2009

Time: 1:06 pm

Was out with them yesterday. The exact company I needed. Seoul Garden was bad. I didn't managed to eat as much as I thought I could and ended up vomiting everything out when I got home. Quite a pretty short day but I still enjoyed.

Sleepless town later. Another remedy that I need.

I spoke but I didn't get the answer I was looking for. I'm totally lost. I need someone to take me out of this misery. I need that machine that sucks all my memory out. I need to forget everything and everyone. I want to be alone but yet I'm afraid of being alone.

Date: Thursday, February 26, 2009

Time: 7:49 am

It's almost 8 in the morning and I haven't caught a wink. Friends told me to stop brooding and get some rest but throughout the night all I did was to stare at the ceiling.

I need answers. Answers to the questions running inside my head. The moment I shut my eyes, I start to hear voices. Voices that I shouldn't be hearing. How could such things happen? It usually only surface in dramas but now it's happening in my life. I'm only 19. Everything's too much for me to handle. I'm not ready to face it alone. Thank god I've got the peeps I need.

I feel so stupid. I should have listened. I shouldn't have ignored the warnings but then again was it wrong for me to trust? Or did I just give out my trust to easily?

I need help. Tons of it. I'm not as strong as what I appear to be. In actual fact I think I'm even weaker than all of my female friends.

It was the first time I felt my heart stop beating for a second, my hands trembling and my feet turned icy cold. I felt alone. So alone. It left me dumbfounded. My mind was blank. I didn't know how to react. I didn't know what to say. I felt weak. Oh so weak.

Just one night. Everything changed. For better or for worse I don't know. All I could say throughout the night was "I don't know". That is what I always say when something happen. Why do I not ever have my own opinion? Why am I so weak? I questioned myself.

I bombarded myself with questions. Questions which I do not have the answer too. It made my head spin. It's hurting so badly that I can't even get any rest. I dread closing my eyes because the voices will come rushing in. I felt as if I was turning crazy. Maybe I am crazy. Crazy enough to believe everything that others have doubts in.

I have no one to blame but myself. I always tell myself not to trust to easily but it always happen the other way. How will I ever learn?

Real story or just an essay I'm writing out of boredom you decide.

Date: Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Time: 3:15 pm

Seriously, I'm starting to hate this holidays. It's way too long. I can't seem to be doing anything constructive at all. Going out seems to bore me out to.

I mean we're in Singapore. Where can we go other than town and town is getting so fucking boring. Staying home bores me too. There's nothing to do at all. It's either read book, watch tv or net surfing, which 99% of the time I'm on FB and FB is starting to bore me out.

The past few days I've been stuck at home. I've got no idea where I wanna go if I decide to get my ass of my bed. Plus the weather have been really crazy the past few days.

Well, I did head out for a little while ytd. With Mel to IMM. In search for organizers. I'm pretty fussy when it comes to organizers. Haha. I think we spent most of our time in Popular debating which one we should get. In the end we got the same one. Then we had problem finding the perfect pen for our organizers. I mean it had to be a perfect fit. Finally, Mel found one and I got it too, just a different colour.

At the end of the day we still weren't happy coz the organizers weren't exactly what we wanted but it was the best of the lot. Sort of. I'm still very much in love with the Hello Kitty one but it cost 30bucks which I felt that it's pretty expensive for an organizer. It's not those girly girl Hello Kitty prints though but it's really very pretty. I think it's called Kimono prints or something like that. Adeline gave me a purse with the exact same print. Maybe I should get the wallet?

Rahhh! I just love to waste my money. Haha.

I felt alot happier after developing photos and putting it in my organizer. =) Oh wells, I've already bought it and shall just stick to it and stop brooding over how pretty the others are.

From today onwards I shall be organized and not be forgetful. Haha. Let's pray.

Date: Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Time: 2:13 pm

"I want to be rich and I want lots of money

I don’t care about clever I don’t care about funny

I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds

I heard people die while they are trying to find them"

Date: Sunday, February 22, 2009

Time: 9:46 pm

"Where were you when everything was falling apart?
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang

And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad"

Date: Monday, February 16, 2009

Time: 5:14 pm

Lousy phone takes lousy photos. Haaa.

So last week I was kept very busy, from Birdpark to Zoo to Shopping.

I practically headed down to town everyday cept for Thursday and Sunday.

Town is certainly not a place I wanna go near now.

I've got no photos whatsoever simply because I'm lazy to take out my camera and start snapping and to add on, I forgot to charge it anyway.

Now, that my uncle is back in Macau, I feel so free and am starting to rot at home.

Today was basically staying home reading, facebooking, net surfing, stuffing myself with chocolates and ice cream. Wanted to go lepak with JH so badly but my wallet's empty. =(

So darn broke this month and there's still so many things I wanna get. Dont bother asking me to get a job coz I've tried and people dont wanna employ part time what can I do?

So I'd rather rot at home.

I need to get a new book coz I'm about to finish my current one. Borrow or buy? Why must the library be so darn far?

Alright, I shall go back to doing what I was doing before blogging. Bye!

Date: Sunday, February 15, 2009

Time: 7:54 pm

Hi all you sexy ladies out there.

Do you love to paint your pretty nails like I do or do you love to beautify your eyes with eyeshadow?

If you do, please do give this site a visit as my dear friend here is selling AUTHENTIC OPI nail polishes for only 15bucks each! And AUTHENTIC M.A.C Eyeshadow going for merely 48 bucks each!!

So what are you waiting for? Go visit http://desirable-chic.blogspot.com/ now!!!!

Oh yes, there's preorder for contact lenses too =)

Date: Monday, February 09, 2009

Time: 10:36 pm

"I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone"

Proper update soon. When I feel like it.

Date: Friday, February 06, 2009

Time: 6:15 am

Damn! Look at the time now and I havent even caught a wink!

Soon the sun will be out and it will be near impossible to even catch a nap then and what's worse is that I'm meeting lovergirl and 9 hours time. Looks like I have to get those thick makeup and shades ready as I'll be having ultra swollen eyes with dark circles.

I think half the world would be asleep now as I'm doing this entry but guess what dad's preparing breakfast for brother now in the kitchen and brother's preparing to go to work. Okay, random but I need to make myself real tired so that I will be able to sleep.

Looks like blogging aint helping. Shall FB now. Bye!

Date: Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Time: 7:31 pm

Ah yes, two more pictures stolen from Vivian's blog and I'm lazy to edit it into the previous post so yeah deal with it. =D

Well, what can I say. She still looks crazy be it sober or drunk but I must say she really is a very good girl even when I placed ice on her cheeks, she gladly lemme do it and yes, she's not stupid but just slow and I still cant believe I actually kissed her on the cheeks during my dare. =( I know she secretly loves it. Haha.

Date:

Time: 6:56 pm

And so yesterday's BBQ was pretty much a success though it was a very last minute thing. So met up with Valencia, Pei Rong, Li Jie and Chia Hsien for grocery shopping and back to Chia Hsien's crib. We girls den started preparing the food and such coz our dear boy cant have contact with water.

All the craziness started when some of us got tipsy and some got really wasted and also Jing Hao taught me 5-10 and now Imma expert. =)

My head started spinning when Labin, Vivian, Jing Hao and myself started playing and forfeit was Vodka neat. Knn, my tongue was burning when I drank twice in a row. Fucking disgusting.

But well, I really did enjoy alot especially with the whole Pei Rong episode. Friggin hilarious. I've got a video of her spouting nonsense but I shall be nice and not post it up. =D

Pretty much awaiting for our next outing. =))

Decided to post this up as it's not very often you'll get to see Chia Hsien with such expression on his face and this is the only photo I'm gonna post with a quart of my face as the rest taken that nice was totally chui until cannot chui and I needa get rid of my fish ball face.

This fur ball is darn lucky to be sleeping on a LV bag. Now I wish I was that fat cat. Oh her name's Mei Mei, the exact nickname of our dearest aunty Mei Yang. =O

The climax of the night has definitely got to do with these two babes for their pictures posted her. Heres the two of them in their clearest state.

And
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Here's when they are both totally wasted! No wonder they are best of friends. They are the best representative for the saying "you fu tong xiang, you nan tong dang". Hahahaha

Date: Sunday, February 01, 2009

Time: 3:31 pm

Damn! I miss school.

The holidays have been pretty boring. Last whole week was all about CNY. Thursday went over to Chia Hsien's place with the mates. Friday was out with Colleen intending to job hunt but we ended up shopping our ass off, met up with Mansor in the later part of the day and I tell you he's as gu niang as Melany Lim.

Oh yeah, Mel made some improvement of replying msges just that it's at a rate of 0.2km/h. Haa. Just kidding.

So the weekends I stayed rotting cause I was out the whole week and have to save some money as I will be out almost everyday of next week too. -.-

Job interview tomorrow and I hope I get the damn job cause due to this interview I'm missing out alot of fun. Like Val's place to bai nian and Sentosa with Mel. So please pretty please lemme get the job aite!

S H I V V
Yours Truly Shivvani 22 November 1990 Twenty crazymonkey903@hotmail.com Archives March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 August 2010 October 2010 November 2010 January 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 November 2011 October 2012 January 2013 Credits Host: Blogger Layout © the bikini boy	Date: Friday, February 27, 2009 Time: 1:06 pm Was out with them yesterday. The exact company I needed. Seoul Garden was bad. I didn't managed to eat as much as I thought I could and ended up vomiting everything out when I got home. Quite a pretty short day but I still enjoyed. Sleepless town later. Another remedy that I need. I spoke but I didn't get the answer I was looking for. I'm totally lost. I need someone to take me out of this misery. I need that machine that sucks all my memory out. I need to forget everything and everyone. I want to be alone but yet I'm afraid of being alone. Date: Thursday, February 26, 2009 Time: 7:49 am It's almost 8 in the morning and I haven't caught a wink. Friends told me to stop brooding and get some rest but throughout the night all I did was to stare at the ceiling. I need answers. Answers to the questions running inside my head. The moment I shut my eyes, I start to hear voices. Voices that I shouldn't be hearing. How could such things happen? It usually only surface in dramas but now it's happening in my life. I'm only 19. Everything's too much for me to handle. I'm not ready to face it alone. Thank god I've got the peeps I need. I feel so stupid. I should have listened. I shouldn't have ignored the warnings but then again was it wrong for me to trust? Or did I just give out my trust to easily? I need help. Tons of it. I'm not as strong as what I appear to be. In actual fact I think I'm even weaker than all of my female friends. It was the first time I felt my heart stop beating for a second, my hands trembling and my feet turned icy cold. I felt alone. So alone. It left me dumbfounded. My mind was blank. I didn't know how to react. I didn't know what to say. I felt weak. Oh so weak. Just one night. Everything changed. For better or for worse I don't know. All I could say throughout the night was "I don't know". That is what I always say when something happen. Why do I not ever have my own opinion? Why am I so weak? I questioned myself. I bombarded myself with questions. Questions which I do not have the answer too. It made my head spin. It's hurting so badly that I can't even get any rest. I dread closing my eyes because the voices will come rushing in. I felt as if I was turning crazy. Maybe I am crazy. Crazy enough to believe everything that others have doubts in. I have no one to blame but myself. I always tell myself not to trust to easily but it always happen the other way. How will I ever learn? Real story or just an essay I'm writing out of boredom you decide. Date: Wednesday, February 25, 2009 Time: 3:15 pm Seriously, I'm starting to hate this holidays. It's way too long. I can't seem to be doing anything constructive at all. Going out seems to bore me out to. I mean we're in Singapore. Where can we go other than town and town is getting so fucking boring. Staying home bores me too. There's nothing to do at all. It's either read book, watch tv or net surfing, which 99% of the time I'm on FB and FB is starting to bore me out. The past few days I've been stuck at home. I've got no idea where I wanna go if I decide to get my ass of my bed. Plus the weather have been really crazy the past few days. Well, I did head out for a little while ytd. With Mel to IMM. In search for organizers. I'm pretty fussy when it comes to organizers. Haha. I think we spent most of our time in Popular debating which one we should get. In the end we got the same one. Then we had problem finding the perfect pen for our organizers. I mean it had to be a perfect fit. Finally, Mel found one and I got it too, just a different colour. At the end of the day we still weren't happy coz the organizers weren't exactly what we wanted but it was the best of the lot. Sort of. I'm still very much in love with the Hello Kitty one but it cost 30bucks which I felt that it's pretty expensive for an organizer. It's not those girly girl Hello Kitty prints though but it's really very pretty. I think it's called Kimono prints or something like that. Adeline gave me a purse with the exact same print. Maybe I should get the wallet? Rahhh! I just love to waste my money. Haha. I felt alot happier after developing photos and putting it in my organizer. =) Oh wells, I've already bought it and shall just stick to it and stop brooding over how pretty the others are. From today onwards I shall be organized and not be forgetful. Haha. Let's pray. Date: Tuesday, February 24, 2009 Time: 2:13 pm "I want to be rich and I want lots of money I don’t care about clever I don’t care about funny I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds I heard people die while they are trying to find them" Date: Sunday, February 22, 2009 Time: 9:46 pm "Where were you when everything was falling apart? All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang And all I needed was a call that never came To the corner of 1st and Amistad" Date: Monday, February 16, 2009 Time: 5:14 pm Lousy phone takes lousy photos. Haaa. So last week I was kept very busy, from Birdpark to Zoo to Shopping. I practically headed down to town everyday cept for Thursday and Sunday. Town is certainly not a place I wanna go near now. I've got no photos whatsoever simply because I'm lazy to take out my camera and start snapping and to add on, I forgot to charge it anyway. Now, that my uncle is back in Macau, I feel so free and am starting to rot at home. Today was basically staying home reading, facebooking, net surfing, stuffing myself with chocolates and ice cream. Wanted to go lepak with JH so badly but my wallet's empty. =( So darn broke this month and there's still so many things I wanna get. Dont bother asking me to get a job coz I've tried and people dont wanna employ part time what can I do? So I'd rather rot at home. I need to get a new book coz I'm about to finish my current one. Borrow or buy? Why must the library be so darn far? Alright, I shall go back to doing what I was doing before blogging. Bye! Date: Sunday, February 15, 2009 Time: 7:54 pm Hi all you sexy ladies out there. Do you love to paint your pretty nails like I do or do you love to beautify your eyes with eyeshadow? If you do, please do give this site a visit as my dear friend here is selling AUTHENTIC OPI nail polishes for only 15bucks each! And AUTHENTIC M.A.C Eyeshadow going for merely 48 bucks each!! So what are you waiting for? Go visit http://desirable-chic.blogspot.com/ now!!!! Oh yes, there's preorder for contact lenses too =) Date: Monday, February 09, 2009 Time: 10:36 pm "I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest Or the girl who never wants to be alone" Proper update soon. When I feel like it. Date: Friday, February 06, 2009 Time: 6:15 am Damn! Look at the time now and I havent even caught a wink! Soon the sun will be out and it will be near impossible to even catch a nap then and what's worse is that I'm meeting lovergirl and 9 hours time. Looks like I have to get those thick makeup and shades ready as I'll be having ultra swollen eyes with dark circles. I think half the world would be asleep now as I'm doing this entry but guess what dad's preparing breakfast for brother now in the kitchen and brother's preparing to go to work. Okay, random but I need to make myself real tired so that I will be able to sleep. Looks like blogging aint helping. Shall FB now. Bye! Date: Wednesday, February 04, 2009 Time: 7:31 pm Ah yes, two more pictures stolen from Vivian's blog and I'm lazy to edit it into the previous post so yeah deal with it. =D Well, what can I say. She still looks crazy be it sober or drunk but I must say she really is a very good girl even when I placed ice on her cheeks, she gladly lemme do it and yes, she's not stupid but just slow and I still cant believe I actually kissed her on the cheeks during my dare. =( I know she secretly loves it. Haha. Date: Time: 6:56 pm And so yesterday's BBQ was pretty much a success though it was a very last minute thing. So met up with Valencia, Pei Rong, Li Jie and Chia Hsien for grocery shopping and back to Chia Hsien's crib. We girls den started preparing the food and such coz our dear boy cant have contact with water. All the craziness started when some of us got tipsy and some got really wasted and also Jing Hao taught me 5-10 and now Imma expert. =) My head started spinning when Labin, Vivian, Jing Hao and myself started playing and forfeit was Vodka neat. Knn, my tongue was burning when I drank twice in a row. Fucking disgusting. But well, I really did enjoy alot especially with the whole Pei Rong episode. Friggin hilarious. I've got a video of her spouting nonsense but I shall be nice and not post it up. =D Pretty much awaiting for our next outing. =)) Decided to post this up as it's not very often you'll get to see Chia Hsien with such expression on his face and this is the only photo I'm gonna post with a quart of my face as the rest taken that nice was totally chui until cannot chui and I needa get rid of my fish ball face. This fur ball is darn lucky to be sleeping on a LV bag. Now I wish I was that fat cat. Oh her name's Mei Mei, the exact nickname of our dearest aunty Mei Yang. =O The climax of the night has definitely got to do with these two babes for their pictures posted her. Heres the two of them in their clearest state. And . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Here's when they are both totally wasted! No wonder they are best of friends. They are the best representative for the saying "you fu tong xiang, you nan tong dang". Hahahaha Date: Sunday, February 01, 2009 Time: 3:31 pm Damn! I miss school. The holidays have been pretty boring. Last whole week was all about CNY. Thursday went over to Chia Hsien's place with the mates. Friday was out with Colleen intending to job hunt but we ended up shopping our ass off, met up with Mansor in the later part of the day and I tell you he's as gu niang as Melany Lim. Oh yeah, Mel made some improvement of replying msges just that it's at a rate of 0.2km/h. Haa. Just kidding. So the weekends I stayed rotting cause I was out the whole week and have to save some money as I will be out almost everyday of next week too. -.- Job interview tomorrow and I hope I get the damn job cause due to this interview I'm missing out alot of fun. Like Val's place to bai nian and Sentosa with Mel. So please pretty please lemme get the job aite!