It's almost 8 in the morning and I haven't caught a wink. Friends told me to stop brooding and get some rest but throughout the night all I did was to stare at the ceiling.

I need answers. Answers to the questions running inside my head. The moment I shut my eyes, I start to hear voices. Voices that I shouldn't be hearing. How could such things happen? It usually only surface in dramas but now it's happening in my life. I'm only 19. Everything's too much for me to handle. I'm not ready to face it alone. Thank god I've got the peeps I need.

I feel so stupid. I should have listened. I shouldn't have ignored the warnings but then again was it wrong for me to trust? Or did I just give out my trust to easily?

I need help. Tons of it. I'm not as strong as what I appear to be. In actual fact I think I'm even weaker than all of my female friends.

It was the first time I felt my heart stop beating for a second, my hands trembling and my feet turned icy cold. I felt alone. So alone. It left me dumbfounded. My mind was blank. I didn't know how to react. I didn't know what to say. I felt weak. Oh so weak.

Just one night. Everything changed. For better or for worse I don't know. All I could say throughout the night was "I don't know". That is what I always say when something happen. Why do I not ever have my own opinion? Why am I so weak? I questioned myself.

I bombarded myself with questions. Questions which I do not have the answer too. It made my head spin. It's hurting so badly that I can't even get any rest. I dread closing my eyes because the voices will come rushing in. I felt as if I was turning crazy. Maybe I am crazy. Crazy enough to believe everything that others have doubts in.

I have no one to blame but myself. I always tell myself not to trust to easily but it always happen the other way. How will I ever learn?


Real story or just an essay I'm writing out of boredom you decide.